Littlejon Makes it up, Again!

Richard Littlejohn’s catch phrase ‘You couldn’t make it up’ is in fact a device that makes it very clear to any reasonably intelligent reader that he is making it up, all the damn time. Often his mistakes or misdirections are a result of the fact that he is so lazy he can’t even be bothered to Google simple facts, remember this when Littlejohn (salary circa £800,000 per year) criticises ‘worthless’ council jobs paying between £20,000-30,000.

Today’s stupidity is a repeat, again, of the old ‘Brown wasn’t elected’ line – which, like all of Littlejohn’s punchlines is false and has been flogged beyond death a long long time ago – and he has now added another jibe at an unelected person: Baroness Scotland. The whole sketch is one anyone with enough patience to regularly subject themselves to the truly pitiful attempts at humour that Littlejohn scrawls in Florida will instantly recognise as the hilarious ‘horrendously stereotyped American interviews a Brit and can’t understand the insanity of the British system’ that he has used before to enthrall readers with his literary attempts.

Again, like anything Littlejohn writes, it wasn’t funny, clever or true the first time and isn’t any better the second time around. The funny thing is that the sketch manages to offend British and American people because it relies on people accepting the fact that they are stupid. For example, the ‘unelected’ jibe is aimed at Baroness of Scotland and ‘Chad’ (the American) is amazed that the Attorney General isn’t elected in the UK, but instead appointed by ‘President Norman Brown’. Whereas, if Littlejohn had the first clue about America – the country he is an immigrant in – he would know that the Attorney General isn’t elected in the US either, but appointed by the president.

I’m not really sure what is worse, the utter moronic gibberish that Littlejohn writes or the fact that their are people stupid enough out there to treat him as a genius writer who should ‘stand for PM’ (demonstrating, again, just how little idea Littlejohn fans have about how politics works).

Not content with making phony jibes about the Baroness of Scotland being unelected, Littlejohn cannot pass up the chance to demonstrate his racism:

The Attorney General, the Baroness of Scotland, has just been caught employing an illegal immigrant as a housekeeper, but she won’t resign, either.She’s from Scotlandland?

No, she’s from Dominica, in the Caribbean.

Who’s from Dominica, the housekeeper?

The Baroness. The housekeeper’s from Tonga. She should have gone home five years ago.

The implication and racism here is pretty clear: neither of them belong here, both of them should go home. Which is deeply ironic considering that Richard Littlejohn lives in Florida, yet here he is wishes other immigrants would ‘go home’; even though he has no intention of doing so. I can only assume this is because Littlejohn believes it is one rule for the white person, and an entirely different rule applies if you have dark skin.

Next up, Littlejohn states that Brown is also responsible for the release of the Lockerbie bomber, even though there is no evidence at all to suggest this. The whole column is a tour de farce of fictional complaints and stupidity that frankly, I really cannot be bothered to dig through anymore. Go check out the comments to see that Littlejohn is getting a good kicking from readers on both sides of the pond – Americans it appears, also dislike the lazy, ignorant stereotyping that Littlejohn has honed to perfection through years of writing the damn same columns twice a week.

I’ll leave you with a reason to be cheerful, the existence of Sid Noggett and others who have got their comments past the Friday moderators:

Sid Noggett: Saviour of the Littlejohn Column

Tomorrow is Friday and that means – assuming the lazy piece of shit actually writes a second column in a week – it is time for Richard Littlejohn to laugh at people different to him and feign outrage over people not doing ‘proper jobs’ whilst he earns nearly a million pounds a year for writing a piss-poor column twice a week. Anyway, there is one thing to look forward to with the arrival of another Littlejohn turd and that is the ramblings of Sid Noggett, who always manages to be more amusing that Richard Littlejohn and doesn’t take up nowhere near as much time. Enjoy some of his previous comments below and let’s hope for a fresh installment tomorrow:

Richard, your article made me laugh so hard, my wife thought I’d become involved with the occult.

Thanks for pointing out that judges in wigs don’t like ex-pats, or burkas. It’s a good job he doesn’t live in Spain, it’s full of ex-pats.

When will this madness stop. I blame Gordon McFarmhouse kitchen Broon and his hippy-dippy Labour party.

TTFN Richard.
– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 7/8/2009 11:22
Click to rate Rating 1

Richard. Your article made me laugh so hard, a passing talent scout heard it and asked if I would like to audition for the lead role in “The Laughing Policeman – the musical.” – he didn’t mention anything about being a member of the NTPA though? Perhaps Mrs Noggett will lend me one of her frocks for the audition.

Thanks for pointing out that gypsies are to be afforded the same rights as everyone else. Who would have thought it? I blame Gordon McMary Mungo and Midge Broon and his biodegradable clothes wearing lefty government.

Anyway, must dash Richard. Stardom beckons! TTFN.

– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 14/8/2009 8:32

Richard. Your article on Kent Constabulary had me laughing so hard, our new neighbours re-checked their HIPS pack to look for mention of their property being adjacent to a lunatic assylum. Mrs Noggett tried to divert attention by saying it was the noise of our faulty washing machine!

Thanks for pointing out that MP’s private lives should be judged by journalists. How could all of what you say happen? I blame Gordon McPebble Mill at One Broon and his fairtrade government of sandal wearing lefties.

Anyway, must dash Richard. TTFN.

– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 21/8/2009 8:30

Richard. Your article had Mrs Noggett laughing so hard over breakfast, particularly at the new phrase you have coined, “Tartanistas,” I thought Marlene Dietrich was screeching a duet with Yoko Ono in our kitchen again.

Thanks for pointing out that you have been probed during a recent visit to the Doctors. How could this have happened? I blame Gordon McHumphrey Cushion Broon and his mung bean and granola smoothie drinking lefty government.

When are you running for town councillor Richard?

Must dash. TTFN.
– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 25/8/2009 8:20
Click to rate Rating 7

Richard. You’ve really done it this time.

Your article made Mrs Noggett laugh so hard; she managed to reach a sound frequency that resonated with the glass of our neighbour’s greenhouse, causing all the panes to break. Looks like my weekend will be spent repairing it.

Who would believe that John Two Jaggers Prescot would use an aeroplane and that Dobwalls is in Cornwall. How could this happen? I blame Gordon McSwapShop Broon and his sandal wearing, bearded, flared trouser wearing government. At least it is not in Wigan, which isn’t very nice at all.

Anyway. Must dash Richard, that greenhouse won’t repair itself. TTFN.

– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 4/9/2009 8:15

Richard. Your article made Mrs Noggett laugh so hard and struggle to catch her breath that the tears of laughter made her credit crunch busting, cheap’n’cheerful eyeliner and mascara run down her face. When I rushed downstairs to find out what the hullabaloo was about, I was confronted by what looked like an inebriated Alice Cooper in drag, asking if I’d like some nice sausages for tea!

Who would have thought that Blair, Brown, Prescott and Mandelson would be planning to form a Fab Four tribute band in their spare time? I wholeheartedly believe that the blame for this rests firmly at the door of Gordon Brown and his government of self-composting, responsibly sourced, biodegradable politicians. I’m convinced that the BBC will have involved themselves too in order to fulfil their plan to dominate middle England and indoctrinate our Wheelie bins into the ways of Stalin and Lennon.

Anyway, must dash Richard. TTFN.
– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 15/9/2009 08:03
Click to rate Rating 35

Dick Spotted, Named Littlejohn

Predictably, today Richard Littlejohn couldn’t resist an ‘hilarious’ repetition of the ‘Spotted Dick has been banned and PC gone mad has changed it to Spotted Richard’ – which I guess is quite brave really, tackling a story which talks about ‘Dick’ and ‘Richard’ meaning the same thing. Naturally Littlejohn is fully behind the cries of ‘PC gone mad’ because he is an utterly thick twat and couldn’t possibly grasp even such a simple story as this to discover that really it has nothing to do with Political Correctness.

Thankfully a commentator has managed the following brilliant riposte:

Brilliant response to Littlejohn drivel

Superb. As usual there are numerous corrections for another Littlejohn mistake – this time calling someone an LibDem MP when in fact they belong to Labour; as well as pointing out that his main article is just the usual unfounded assumptions.

Really Richard, at least try and earn your salary by writing the odd decent column.

Richard Littlejohn destroyed in comments

It is only 9.30am and Littlejohn has already received a good kicking in the comments – thanks to Friday moderators – under his latest column (which really is just a repeat of columns written a year ago, scary that he actually gets paid for this shit): ‘The inconvenient truth about ozone-puncturing Two Jags‘.

Littlejohn destroyed in  comments

Those comments have really made this a good start to a Friday morning.

Disenfranchised: Beware of Littlejohn

If you thought paying Gordon Brown a salary of around £200,000 is ridiculous, then how about paying a talentless twat like Richard Littlejohn around £850,000?

This rhetorical technique is used on the front page of the Daily Mail today by Richard Littlejohn to poke fun at the transgendered Police Association, as if the very notion of such a group could trump all of his previous snide and offensive articles. The enemies of reason has already posted on this, so I’ll use some of his words here to save repetition:

I imagine it brings together police officers who have to put up with the kind of sanctimonious carping from smellyfaced cunts like Richard Littlejohn day in, day out; people who, because of their legitimate lifestyles are ridiculed and held up as some kind of freak by utter bastards like the foul stinky scumbag tosspieces who work for the Daily Mail. Just for being who they are. Oh yes, Littleman, let’s all gather round and have a fucking right old laugh about PC gone mad – hey, see what I did there? – in providing support and assistance to people who choose to do one of the toughest jobs in the country, and do so despite sexual proclivities that idiots like you, you fucking gobshited pig-eyed prick squatting in judgement over everyone’s lives in Britain from your gold-plated Florida mansion, regard as being worthy of hysterical abuse and being singled out as somehow deserving of mockery.

Many bloggers have attempted to convey just what a vile little man Richard Littlejohn is but it’s hard to really get across just what an unmitigated cunt he is. The photo next to the tag-line shows a grinning columnist who looks as if he has just written a fluff piece on an interesting dinner party he attended; when in fact he has just spent hundreds of words essentially pointing and laughing at people slightly different to him. He never changes the picture, whether he is explaining that he doesn’t give a shit about genocide when it happens to black people; or telling us that prostitutes deserve to be murdered or whether he is spending an entire column creating a hellish image of just why gypsies are evil, feral scum.

I like to think that Richard Littlejohn is a bit like Dorian Gray in reverse, he has sold his soul to the devil (here played by a succession of tabloid editors) who snapped the above photo of him which is printed each week next to his columns and he’ll live for eternity as long as the photo survives. However, instead of the picture ageing and showing all the horrific signs of evil, it is in fact the real Richard Littlejohn who is decomposing with each column written – to the extent that he has had to board himself up in a mansion in Florida where he spends his existence like the mad women in the attic from a popular Gothic novel.

If you laid eyes on Richard Littlejohn you would barely recognise him from his gurning photograph. His hair is actually lank and grey, clinging to his scalp with the oozing puss that seeps from his rotting brain. Shit, blood and urine are sweated through every pore in his clammy, white carcass. Great chunks of flesh drop from his sagging face as he attempts to email his latest article to Daily Mail HQ; his fingers are reduced to bone and tendon by the many years of poisonous key-tapping. Due to his condition he is unable to engage in any real debate, and he is instead forced to attack increasingly obscure and powerless targets: 3 woman who wore Burqas, a Police Association for the Transgendered for example.

Long ago the stinking, decomposing pile of shit gave up trying to engage anyone – right around the time that Johann Hari and Will Self both calmly pointed out the Richard Littlejohn’s universe was entirely fictional. Richard Littlejohn is a coward, he has a stage from which he could engage in real debate but he chooses not to. He knows that he is an intellectual fly, so, like the fly, he survives on a diet of shit – regurgitating Daily Mail stories as satire whilst pursuing his own targets that he knows cannot possibly respond.

If you are a minority or somehow disenfranchised from mainstream society in any way, beware, because a cowardly, hateful little cunt called Richard Littlejohn is out to get you.

Apologies for the strong language used in the above post. I usually decline from being too free with swear words, but at the same time I know that a swear word is sometimes needed to emphasis an emotion. I do not use the c-word lightly, but I cannot think of a word more offensive and thus fitting to describe Richard Littlejohn.

Richard Littlejohn is a self-hating immigrant

Well Richard Littlejohn is back and surprise, surprise, he’s written a terrible piece supporting Judge Ian Trigger for telling the truth (read more about Judge Trigger here and here). I’ve already said all that needs to be said about Judge Ian Trigger: he is ignorant and wholly misinformed and his latest rant shows a complete lack of understanding of immigration and asylum. Naturally the Daily Mail, Richard Littlejohn, a host of tabloids and a fair portion of their readerships are using Judge Trigger as evidence that immigration is a terrible problem.

You see, when you build a world made out of lies you cannot rely on facts to support you. If, for example, you actually looked at the figures for asylum or the amount of benefits actually paid to immigrants you would realise that you are living in a world of lies (see Tabloid Watch: ‘Nobody benefits from ‘immigrants on benefit’ stories‘. Therefore you have to find people who support you who are also part of this world of lies, so Judge Ian Trigger as a ‘senior’ judge is used as evidence that the world of lies is actually true. Naturally Judge Ian Trigger also avoids quoting figures or providing any evidence to support his claims, but this is, obviously because no evidence exists.

If your best argument to support your views that immigrants are only coming to the UK to enjoy our ‘generous benefits’ is that Judge Ian Trigger said so, then you are never going to win an argument with anyone even remotely acquainted with the reality hidden by tabloid lies. Sadly, Richard Littlejohn does precisely that, he argues that because a senior judge agrees with his worldview, his worldview is therefore 100% correct. He goes further of course and argues that the fact that Judge Ian Trigger is facing punishment for his foaming rants is a sign that New Labour wants to ban all dissent:

I’m surprised Judge Trigger hasn’t been smeared as a closet Tory, or worse a BNP racist. That’s the usual treatment meted out to anyone who tells the truth about Labour.

The full apparatus of government is deployed to destroy dissenters.

Of course, Richard Littlejohn has no idea about what ‘truth’ actually means, it is a concept utterly maleable in the hands of tabloid newspapers and he takes full advantage of this. He uses the word in his title: ‘A judge telling the truth about immigration? Take him to the cells!‘, of course the whole point is that the Judge isn’t telling any kind of ‘truth’ he is merely stating his interpretation of the world around him. He happens to be a senior judge and in line with the Daily Mail view of the world so he is supported. Richard Littlejohn is very selective with his judgements of people – as tabloid newspapers need to be – which is why he can use ‘senior’ Judge Trigger as evidence that the world view of the Daily Mail is right, whilst in the same article to lambaste Lord Justice Goldring who doesn’t happen at this point in time to be in-line with Littlejohn’s worldview.

Surely in terms of judge top trumps the judgement of a Lord should trump the ramblings of a mere ‘senior’ judge? Of course, the tabloid world does not work this way, so Littlejohn can argue in one paragraph that immigration must be out of control because a senior judge said so, whilst in another paragraph on the same page write off the verdict of another judge as being ‘precisely the kind of right-on judge to which we’ve become accustomed under Labour. They all seem to have been hand-picked by the Wicked Witch.’

The disappointing thing is that tabloid journalists do not have to work hard to gain the belief and trust of their readers, to the extent that they can have glowing contradictions in their articles and it still has no affect on those reading the article and taking away the message that Littlejohn wanted. It is depressing to know that such badly constructed articles absolutely full of lies and without a scrap of evidence can convince the reader that Littlejohn should be elected PM. Just some of the highlights of this article:

As the judge correctly observed, 31-year old McClearley’s case is a classic example of Britain’s chaotic immigration system. It not only illustrates the deliberate dismantling of border controls by Labour, but also the near impossibility of deporting anyone who is in the country illegally.

How many lies can you get into one paragraph? Again, the repeated lies that we have no border controls and that it is impossible to deport someone.

Enter the country illegally, steal, sell drugs, forge passports and you’ll be lavished with unlimited Legal Aid, benefits and sympathy.

Can you spot another lie here: ‘enter the country illegally’ – even Richard pointed out at the start of the article that this particular person entered the UK legally using a tourist visa – another example of terrible journalism from Littlejohn. And of course, his favourite lie: immigrants are lavished with legal aid and benefits. Richard Littlejohn is someone who has made a substantial amount of money from essentially repeating this one lie in a slightly different way twice a week for what feels like an eternity. Sadly, people are stupid enough to worship him as a result as if he is some kind of prophet. The ultimate irony is that Richard Littlejohn lives in Florida, he is an immigrant. He has moved to America because he wanted to, he likes it better than the UK, yet people who seek genuine Asylum in the UK because they are fleeing persecution in their own country are routinely mocked by Richard who just wants to send them all home.

It is the ultimate hypocrisy: ‘I am Richard Littlejohn, I like the sun and lifestyle of living in America, I therefore deserve to migrate; you are fleeing persecution and have no choice but to seek asylum, you are scum and should be sent home, you do not deserve to migrate’.

Remember, Daily Mail readers, Richard Littlejohn is an immigrant. He also happens to be a despicable human being profiting from lies and fear, and guess who’s paying? You are, every time you buy the Daily Mail.

A recent report by University College London noted the following:

Immigrants from the eight Central and Eastern European countries that joined the European Union in May 2004 are less likely to be claiming welfare benefits and less likely to be living in social housing than people born in the UK, according to a new paper from UCL.
What is more, they have made a positive contribution to the UK fiscal system, paying more in taxes than they receive in direct and indirect public transfers (such as benefits, NHS healthcare and education).

  • A8 immigrants who arrived after EU enlargement in 2004, and who have at least one year of residence – and are therefore legally eligible to claim benefits – are about 60% less likely than natives to receive state benefits or tax credits, and to live in social housing.
  • Comparing the net fiscal contribution of A8 immigrants with that of individuals born in the UK, in each fiscal year since enlargement in 2004, A8 immigrants made a positive contribution to public finance.
  • In the latest fiscal year, 2008/09, A8 immigrants paid 37% more in direct or indirect taxes than was spent on public goods and services which they received. This is even more remarkable because the UK has been running a budget deficit over the last few years.

I bet you didn’t read that in your tabloid newspaper. Perhaps the report was written by New Labour stooges or UCL are a hotbed of leftist lies? The truth is out there, tabloid readers, you need only to search for it.

Richard Littlejohn and Friday Moderators

Every Friday the Daily Mail moderators relax and let through criticism of Richard Littlejohn. It is a wonderful sight to behold.

His latest drivel: ‘Where’s PC Pagan? He’s at the Summer Solstice, Sarge…‘. Some comments that have been allowed to sit underneath it:

It’s easy to take cheap shots at pagans. “He’s the one with the horns on his helmet, seconded to the raping and pillaging squad”, for instance. It would be just as easy to take cheap shots at christians. “He’s the one in the floor-length cowled robe, seconded by the Inqusition’s torturers”. (But you won’t, of course. it isn’t safe). Or perhaps one could take a few cheap shots at journalists while we’re at it. “He’s the one in the saloon bar, desperately squeezing a hackneyed tirade of half-truths and opinionated rubbish out of his booze-sodden brain”. Or maybe even take a few cheap shots at people like me: “He’s the one who can’t resist the temptation to hit the keyboard when he sights an easy target”.

Come on, Richard, this piece is unworthy of you. You can do better.

– John Davies, Newport, Gwent, Wales., 17/7/2009 9:48

“I know it’s easy to mock, but someone’s got to do it”
You’re right Richard, you could never be accused of avoiding the easy option.
– Adam Dickson

The comments system is now broken, as seems to be increasingly common with the Daily Mail webshite.