Daily Mail Reporter gutted at lack of nipple

The Daily Mail was terribly disappointed today when it missed a chance to write a pointless story about a celeb… with a bit of nipple or lady-lips on display. Ashley Cole was inconsiderate enough to hide his wife’s underwear much to the disgust of crouched paparazzi who couldn’t wait to sell some flesh to the Daily Mail. Thankfully, because the Daily Mail exists to write pointless stories about celebrities they were still able to sell their photos to them, but probably didn’t get as much: ‘Ashley Cole protects his wife Cheryl’s modesty as they put on a public show of affection at Girls Aloud birthday bash‘. Naturally it is written by the Daily Mail Reporter which is why they can get away with staggering hypocrisy like: ‘The England footballer came to his wife’s rescue at the weekend as he protected her modesty from the paparazzi.’ That’ll be the paparazzi that your paper has just paid for a nearly up-skirt shot… So really he’s protecting her modesty from shitty tabloids like yours.

As if this wasn’t bad enough the Daily Mail had another near miss, this time with Kate Hudson: ‘Kate Hudson narrowly escapes a wardrobe malfunction with her incredibly low-cut dress‘. The Daily Mail Reporter (who else?) points out on numerous occasions that her chest is ‘modest’ and gets into the topic of whether she should have a boob job – you know, to better meet the high standards that the Daily Mail have imposed on women. You can sense the sexual frustration of the Daily Mail Reporter at not getting a glimpse of nipple (they could just watch Almost Famous):

the 30-year-old narrowly escaped exposing her breasts at the audience as her loose-fitting neckline hung off her chest.

Clearly aware of the lack of coverage the shimmering gown gave her modest cleavage, the How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days actress fiddled nervously with her top as she talked on stage.

Still, another nice celebrity filler story for the Daily Mail which seems to be rapidly giving up even pretending to be a newspaper.

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