Inspired by possibly the worst column in a series of columns by Richard Littlejohn that are a crime against the written word.
6.00am. Breakfast With Littlejohn. Join Richard on the sofa as he interviews his celebrity friends – Nick Griffin – and discusses talking points such as why climate change is a terrible myth created to tax us more. Weatherman: Richard Littlejohn.
9.00am. Homos Under The Hammer. Richard Littlejohn sells rent boys as part of the illegal sex trade. Any unsold ‘homos’ are hilariously beaten to death with a hammer.
11.00am. Cash In The Attic. Richard Littlejohn opens his Florida safe and shows us all the money he has been paid over the years by shitty right-wing tabloids.
12.00pm. Working Lunch. Richard Littlejohn entertains his celebrity pals at The Ivy, on expenses. Also features an interview with his private jet pilot who flies Richard between Florida and the UK.
3.00pm. Bargain Cunt. Richard Littlejohn writes a column for a hilariously small fee.
4.00pm. Ready Steady Littlejohn. A team of experienced columnists are pitted against each other and the clock to produce a horribly cliched column in the style of Richard Littlejohn. Points are awarded for factual innacuracy, racism, xenophobia, homophobia and references to 70’s sitcoms.
5.00pm. Escape The Country. Watch Richard Littlejohn travel to his main residence – a gated mansion in Florida – in a bid to escape the ‘PC brigade’ that have taken over Britain.
6.00pm. Littlejohn News. Presented by Richard Littlejohn. A daily news show confirming that immigrants and ethnics are the source of all crime in the UK. TOnight’s special feature exposes a gang of asylum seekers that are eating YOUR family pets.
7.00pm. The One Show. Richard Littlejohn rehashes his only column for 30 minutes every evening.
8.00pm. Panorama. A special investigation by Richard Littlejohn into whether conkers really have been banned from the playground. Richard Littlejohn concludes that they have.
9.00pm. Violent Britain. Richard Littlejohn scuffles outside a nightclub. Part of the Broken Britain Series.
11.00pm. Imagine. Richard Littlejohn invites the viewer to step inside his imaginary world. Warning: some viewers may find this programme extremely offensive.
I could go on, but I fear I’d be as boring as Richard Littlejohn if I did.