Sid Noggett: Saviour of the Littlejohn Column

Tomorrow is Friday and that means – assuming the lazy piece of shit actually writes a second column in a week – it is time for Richard Littlejohn to laugh at people different to him and feign outrage over people not doing ‘proper jobs’ whilst he earns nearly a million pounds a year for writing a piss-poor column twice a week. Anyway, there is one thing to look forward to with the arrival of another Littlejohn turd and that is the ramblings of Sid Noggett, who always manages to be more amusing that Richard Littlejohn and doesn’t take up nowhere near as much time. Enjoy some of his previous comments below and let’s hope for a fresh installment tomorrow:

Richard, your article made me laugh so hard, my wife thought I’d become involved with the occult.

Thanks for pointing out that judges in wigs don’t like ex-pats, or burkas. It’s a good job he doesn’t live in Spain, it’s full of ex-pats.

When will this madness stop. I blame Gordon McFarmhouse kitchen Broon and his hippy-dippy Labour party.

TTFN Richard.
– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 7/8/2009 11:22
Click to rate Rating 1

Richard. Your article made me laugh so hard, a passing talent scout heard it and asked if I would like to audition for the lead role in “The Laughing Policeman – the musical.” – he didn’t mention anything about being a member of the NTPA though? Perhaps Mrs Noggett will lend me one of her frocks for the audition.

Thanks for pointing out that gypsies are to be afforded the same rights as everyone else. Who would have thought it? I blame Gordon McMary Mungo and Midge Broon and his biodegradable clothes wearing lefty government.

Anyway, must dash Richard. Stardom beckons! TTFN.

– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 14/8/2009 8:32

Richard. Your article on Kent Constabulary had me laughing so hard, our new neighbours re-checked their HIPS pack to look for mention of their property being adjacent to a lunatic assylum. Mrs Noggett tried to divert attention by saying it was the noise of our faulty washing machine!

Thanks for pointing out that MP’s private lives should be judged by journalists. How could all of what you say happen? I blame Gordon McPebble Mill at One Broon and his fairtrade government of sandal wearing lefties.

Anyway, must dash Richard. TTFN.

– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 21/8/2009 8:30

Richard. Your article had Mrs Noggett laughing so hard over breakfast, particularly at the new phrase you have coined, “Tartanistas,” I thought Marlene Dietrich was screeching a duet with Yoko Ono in our kitchen again.

Thanks for pointing out that you have been probed during a recent visit to the Doctors. How could this have happened? I blame Gordon McHumphrey Cushion Broon and his mung bean and granola smoothie drinking lefty government.

When are you running for town councillor Richard?

Must dash. TTFN.
– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 25/8/2009 8:20
Click to rate Rating 7

Richard. You’ve really done it this time.

Your article made Mrs Noggett laugh so hard; she managed to reach a sound frequency that resonated with the glass of our neighbour’s greenhouse, causing all the panes to break. Looks like my weekend will be spent repairing it.

Who would believe that John Two Jaggers Prescot would use an aeroplane and that Dobwalls is in Cornwall. How could this happen? I blame Gordon McSwapShop Broon and his sandal wearing, bearded, flared trouser wearing government. At least it is not in Wigan, which isn’t very nice at all.

Anyway. Must dash Richard, that greenhouse won’t repair itself. TTFN.

– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 4/9/2009 8:15

Richard. Your article made Mrs Noggett laugh so hard and struggle to catch her breath that the tears of laughter made her credit crunch busting, cheap’n’cheerful eyeliner and mascara run down her face. When I rushed downstairs to find out what the hullabaloo was about, I was confronted by what looked like an inebriated Alice Cooper in drag, asking if I’d like some nice sausages for tea!

Who would have thought that Blair, Brown, Prescott and Mandelson would be planning to form a Fab Four tribute band in their spare time? I wholeheartedly believe that the blame for this rests firmly at the door of Gordon Brown and his government of self-composting, responsibly sourced, biodegradable politicians. I’m convinced that the BBC will have involved themselves too in order to fulfil their plan to dominate middle England and indoctrinate our Wheelie bins into the ways of Stalin and Lennon.

Anyway, must dash Richard. TTFN.
– Sid Noggett, Old Trafford, Manchester, 15/9/2009 08:03
Click to rate Rating 35

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *